


This life of mine,

by I_dlovetobeknowunknown



Category: Naruto
Genre: Depression, Gen, Time Travel, a time traveler is weary, and doesn't bother, fixing the the things that went wrong, for once, only stepping in due to necessity, what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-13 09:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21492007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_dlovetobeknowunknown/pseuds/I_dlovetobeknowunknown
Summary: Naruto dies - not old in his bed like he would have hoped, having finally ushered the era of peace - but in another battle; shame, guilt, and relief mixing in all at once as the outside world fades out.He's achieved all that he wanted: made it to his life long dream of becoming Hokage, earned the villager's respect, and founded a family.But maybe, he can admit this to himself, he's become more hollow as he kept achieving. It's so good to loose for once, though he has regrets about what will happen to the village (it's fine, his friends are strong and Konoha will keep standing).As he exhales his last, he thinks,if only I had a next life. I would live for myself only this time.Duty is a heavy responsibility that comes at the expense of oneself. If only he'd known that back then. He misses the bright, cheerful child he used to be.~Naruto opens his eyes and sees his mother's impaled body standing over him, as she gasps out her last words. He opens his mouth and screams and all that comes out is the weak infantile cry of a newborn.
Relationships: No romantic relationship as of now
Comments: 15
Kudos: 90





	This life of mine,

* * *

This is the truth. Naruto has always cared too much. This is the truth. He wishes he didn't.

* * *

Naruto is exhausted. It's hard to admit, but his once colorful world is now permanently permeated in grey. These days he's so far from the Uzumaki Naruto from his memories that it's almost laughable. So it's a relief, to close his eyes, to rest - to put the tiredness that drags at his bones down - to just _stop_. 

He has his regrets but the next generation is so bright. Konoha will keep standing. It's time for the era of a new Hokage to be ushered in.

So it's really _shitty _to wake up and find someone's impaled body standing over him. 

The giantess above him weakly smiles. "Naruto..." blood spills down her mouth. "I..." another slow, low gasp, "love you..." Her eyelashes flutter against pale skin. "I wish..." her head nods, blood-red strands swaying in the wind. "I could stay..."

_Plop._

The cooling blood lands on his body. ... _Kaa-chan ....?_

Naruto screams.

The only thing that emerges is the weak infantile cry of a newborn. 

* * *

Everything after that is a blur. He's bundled up and shoved from a pair of arms to the next, his world rocking as his exhausted body falls in and out of consciousness. At some point, he's taken to his parent's funeral - an ANBU holding him in some well-hidden corner, away from the masses. 

The fear, anger, and grief that writhes in his chest is torture. He spends most of the time sleeping, only briefly waking up disorientated and then when realisation once again dawns, crying. Big heaving sobs unfit for his body as the Sandaime cradles him in his arms and paces. 

"This can't go on Hokage-sama," a cool voice states. "He hasn't been eating properly. If this goes on, the babe is highly unlikely to survive - as it is, he's only made it until now because of the bijuu sealed inside his gut."

"I know," the Sandaime's chest vibrates as he speaks, exhausted. He sits down on his chair and Naruto lets out another ear-piercing cry, as the emotions inside him jostle at the passivity. 

"Here." Cold hands take a hold of him, the gentle hum of healing chakra lighting up against his forehead. Naruto instantly stills, his small mouth parting as for once, he takes slow, uninterrupted breaths. 

There's a sigh. "He likes you," the Sandaime comments gravelly. 

"No more so than the next medic-nin, I should think," the one holding him replies, hold sifting to ease Naruto into a more comfortable position. Naruto reaches out and curls his hand around what he can reach. An enormous hand closes over his own smaller one, lightly holding it as Naruto's eyes peer open, staring up at him. 

It's only a mass of blurry white that stares down at him. An ANBU? 

Jiji lets out a tired laugh. "You have a young one at home, don't you Rabbit?" He asks, reclining in his armchair. 

"Yes, Hokage-sama," Rabbit answers. A brief pause. "You're not suggesting...?"

The Sandaime snorts. "Oh, have you take him home, you mean?" Smoke starts filling the room and the steady stream of chakra against Naruto fluctuates. "No," he says, at last, frigid; anger biting his every word, "the Uchiha are already clamoring their claim on the child. Kushina stated Uchiha Mikoto as Naruto's godmother, as I understand it, but it would be sheer foolishness to hand him to any clan. As it is I can only hold Danzō back by doing this, he no longer respects my authority -" a pulse of chakra shocks the room, and Naruto only has a moment to open his mouth to cry before a bubble of chakra smothers the anger smoldering the air, wrapping itself protectively around him. 

"- This will only go on to sow more discord between the Uchiha and Konoha. Their claim is right but Naruto is a jinchūriki, and if I were to try and hand him to them, Danzō would press a claim to train the boy as a living weapon. Then, everyone from the shinobi clans to the civilian ones would start pressing their luck as well. Oh, Minato..." the steel tapers off as a soft tone escapes the Hokage. "What a mess you have left for me." 

"What about the Hatake child?" Rabbit suggests mildly. 

"No. He's too broken. Minato's death has shattered him. He's hardly able to look at Naruto, let alone take care of him."

"I suppose he's joined the ANBU?"

"Yes. I've assigned him to a month out of the village. The memories are too fresh for him here."

Both men survey each other. "I have a proposition for you Rabbit," the Sandaime says, taking a drag of his pipe. "Become Naruto's caretaker. Become his ANBU guard instead of mine and protect him, raise him - you are the only one I can trust with this. Konoha is in too weak of a position to afford its spymaster raising an infant, and you are Minato's teammate, I can trust that you will have no hostility against Naruto for what he is."

"You've always been talented, Rabbit, more one for subtlety but Minato was not the only genius in his team. I know you are more than capable. Do your old friend a favour and look after his child." 

Finally, "Fine," Rabbit concedes. "But you will hand the Hatake child under my care once he comes back. He is as much Minato's child as Naruto and if you are intent on protecting your successors' child, you shouldn't ignore the one who is willingly setting himself on fire. Both of them, Hokage-sama." 

_'Or none', _goes unstated. Naruto lets out a whimper and is instantly soothed with a hand down his back. "Your answer, Hokage-sama?"

The Sandaime sighs. "It is such a shame your exploits were never publicised, Rabbit," he muses, "you would have been a worthy replacement otherwise." The hold around Naruto tightens. "Fine. Hatake Kakashi shall join you once he returns."

Rabbit bows, Naruto still cradled against his chest. "May your fire burn bright as ever, Hokage-sama."

The Hokage's face tightens; looking infinitely more aged in that split-second. "You're excused Rabbit," he says sadly, watching as the young man leaves, the door shutting quietly behind him.

He turns to the remains of his village, watching out the window as the villagers continue to work in order to repair their home. Another heavy sigh, overcome with grief, escapes him. "Oh, Minato," he murmurs, pipe against his lips, "You should have let this old man join his wife."

"The village still needs you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is depressed with a capital D. And being shoved into an infant body and simultaneously witnessing a highly traumatic event isn't helping. Also, to be fair, I think the Sandaime is an incompetent Hokage - in no way do I justify his actions despite this scene - he's doing his best but his best isn't enough; he needs to put forward decisive action but he's not willing to commit.


End file.
